This guy is my hero.  I strive to be as successful as this guy!
You just know he gets more ass than, well, everyone!

 

I hate to say that I probably have more foreign policy than Sarah Palin.

(Not Mr. Phucked)

I think public sex is probably a pretty popular fantasy and certainly one of my favorites.
In fact I acted it out again just this past weekend.

I'm laying out at the pool with a cute Asian girl I will call "M"
Over by the corner of the pool there is a little spot slightly hidden but still visible by anyone walking into the pool area.
I suggest to "M" that this would be a great place to have some public sex.
She laughs but is also a little intrigued...

There is just one person in the pool apart from us, another sexy little Asian girl but we figure she won't be able see us.

M and I head off to the spot that consists of a public shower area with a small seat off to the side.
I just drop my shorts immediately without regard to getting caught and sit down, she pulls her bikini bottoms to the side and sits on top of my hard, white cock and inside I go.
This is "M"'s first time with public sex and she likes it!
The cute Asian girl cannot see us so we're good, or at least so we thought...

After about only 4 minutes of this she has having trouble containing herself and wanted to scream "I'm gonna cum now!", I love it.
She jumps off and sits to the side, suddenly scared.  Beats me why.  Five seconds later we see another couple who just entered the pool walking towards the shower area.
"M" casually walks out and I quickly pull up my shorts and pretend to finish showering.

Was it woman's intuition that made "M" stop?  Who knows, but it was damned close!

We both return to our sun lounges smiling at each other, time to go? Oh yes!

Natalie Dylan is a 22-year-old virgin who is using the pseudo name Natalie Dylan for safety reasons is auctioning her virginity to the highest bidder.
She announced her decision to sell her "cherry" on the Howard Stern radio show on Sept. 9.

So far hundreds of offers have already bid up to $275,000.  Supposedly there is also a “rock star” and a “well-known male actor” who said they would outbid any other offer.
The Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada will host this "once in a lifetime" event!

Natalie Dylan says she is not just doing this for money, she apparently really wants to like the guy.
Personally I think that is BS, she is just phucking whoever pays the most.  Natalie Dylan is a hooker, simple as that.

Good luck to her, I hope there is not too much blood! 

In West Virginia police charged Jose Cruz with "battery on an officer" after he farted next to them after being arrested on a DUI.
According to the criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken for a breathalyzer test.

"I couldn't hold it no more," Cruz said.

According to the officer: "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature"

The charge was later dropped by the Kanawha County prosecutor office.

It was just as well he did not do a large poo on the officers foot... 

Old news is not always boring news, especially when it's sexy cheerleaders.
These are pictures of the now disbanded Arizona State University (ASU) cheerleader squad.
Their pictures were posted on a college site called TheDirty.com and here they are in their lingerie goodness.

God Bless America for free speech!

Education saves lives!

 

 

A couple of months ago, I got a job working at an upscale convenience store called Famima!! (and yes, the double exclamation points are included in the title - I don't mind publishing the name of the company, as I am more than likely going to be quitting soon anyway). I took a step down from office management and procurement into retail so I could have some flexibility with my school schedule while making some money. I make just above minimum wage, which is fine, I don't have any major expenditures anymore.

This is my first time back in the retail industry in about three years, if you want to include the one month I worked at Cardiff Seaside Market in San Diego. Before that, it had been about a year or so before I worked in an industry that required face-to-face customer service. During the interim, I've had jobs where severe customer service was required over the phone, but that was no big deal. I could easily fake a visible facetious smile and still hang up with the customer as satisfied as ever.

I've been at my current job for two months for as long as it has been open (my first day was on the grand opening of the store), but within three weeks of working, I've had to deal with quite a few characters. Some of whom have learned, the hard way, that I am not a people person and not your typical customer service girl.

In three years, I have almost forgotten how awful retail customer service can be... and I'd like to share with you my stories of horrible customers, funny days at work, and other random happenings since I don't want to talk to anyone else about it.

1) A Jewish woman (I can pick them out of a crowd - don't ask) came in one day bearing one of our promotional, grand opening coupons for a free 12 ounce iced coffee.

Woman: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Woman: I have a coupon for a free 12 ounce coffee. I was wondering if I turned in the coupon and paid the difference, could I get a salad instead?

Uh, what?

Me: Uh. No.
Woman: Really? Are you sure?
Me: I'm positive. Really.
Woman: Oh, OK. Well, what if I just got a soda or something?

Can you not fucking read that the coupon is for COFFEE ONLY? You should be grateful that we're even giving it away for free, you wench!

Me: No, sorry.
Woman: Oh, OK. Well, what are these coupons for?

The coupons state, in bold print, that they are for a free 12 ounce coffee, iced or hot, and an all-beef hot dog for the amazing price of one dollar.

Are you fucking serious?

Me: Um. It's for a free 12 ounce iced or hot coffee and a one dollar hot dog.
Woman: Well, what if I just give you the coupon for the hot dog and get a salad instead?

I about blew a gasket. What the fuck was her obsession with having a cheap salad?

Me: No, sorry.
Woman: Oh, alright. I'll take a hot dog then.

I ring her up and tell her it's a dollar and I walk over to the hot dog grill, put some gloves on, and grab a bun. Right as I clip the frank between the tongs, she stops me.

Woman: You know what? Forget it, I changed my mind, I don't want the hot dog. Thank you anyway.

BITCH.

2) A gorgeous blonde girl walks in with her hipster boyfriend, who is a regular customer of mine. I'm pulling expired stock off of the shelves and right down the aisle from me is the "Ramune" (Japanese lemonade soda) section. Ramune comes in a strawberry and a melon flavor, as well as regular which is just the lemon-lime flavor. About fifteen minutes after mulling over which flavor they want, the girl walks up to me with a regular flavor Ramune.

Girl: Hi!
Me: Hi.
Girl: Excuse me, I was wondering... what's the regular flavor? What is this?
Me: It's lemonade... like, lemon-lime.
Girl: Oh, is that like lychee?

Did you hear what I just said?

Me: Uh. It's lemon-lime.
Girl: Huh.
Me: ...like Sprite.
Girl: Oh!

3) We sell Icee, subtitled as "Famima!! Freeze," at our store. We have three different flavors: Coca-Cola, Blue Raspberry, and the obligatory Cherry flavor. Our Icee machines have been kind of weird lately. Something happens to them so that it doesn't dispense properly, so we have to reboot the machine and shut it down for a few hours. When we do this, we put up a large "Out of Order" sign smack dab in the middle of the machine, which is right in front of the Blue Raspberry dispenser. It's quite clear when neither of the dispensers are working as the liquid just sits there and stops producing icy slush. Most of my customers have been good about realizing that when the product itself isn't spinning, then it isn't working.

One woman came in with her children while I was going back and forth between cleaning the backroom and ringing customers up. She came to the counter after I had finished ringing one customer up with her daughter in tow. Her daughter's clothes, face, and hands were covered in a mysterious shade of red.

Woman: Uh, hi. Are all of the Icee flavors out of order, or is it just the one in the middle?
Me: Um. All of them. When all of the dispenser displays stop spinning, it means they're not working. There's also an "Out of Order" sign on the machine.
Woman: Oh. Well, I didn't know if that was for the middle machine or for all of them.

Why didn't you just ask if you were unsure, dumbass?

Me [faking a smile]: Well, it's for all of them!
Woman [gruff attitude]: I see that now, and now my kid is filthy.

How is that my problem?

Me: There's a bathroom in the back, she can clean herself off.
Woman: Uh, you should put an "Out of Order" sign on all of them so everyone else can see it.
Me: Uh, just because you're stupid doesn't mean everyone else is.

I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet.

4) I've had five different people come in on the same day looking for soft-serve ice cream. But before asking me about it, they would actually browse each and every aisle looking for a soft-serve ice cream machine. When the fifth person, who was probably about 17 or 18, came in looking for it, he spent about a good 10 minutes in each aisle hoping a machine would magically appear. And like clockwork, he approached me at the counter.

Kid: Hey, I looked around the store and I was wondering if you guys have a soft-serve ice cream machine?
Me: Um, do you see one?

Yeah. I'm still employed.

I often receive e-mail from our readers, some good, and some bad.
Here is one that was shall we say, not complimentary?

"I think youre a nasty fucking prick!
post shit on here thats not grose
you and youre fucking family should fucking get there ankles cut and tied up and thrown into a river!
you make youreself look like a fucking perverted faggot!
I  sware on my mothers grave if i ever saw you i would fucking shoot you in the fucking leg
punch you burn you cut you and then shoot you in youre fucking head
go to hell you sick fucking bitch"

Jeremy from Reno, Nevada

First of all, let me correct you on your English...
“youre” is spelt “you’re”
“thats” is spelt “that’s”
“there” is spelt “their” when it is “their ankles”
“sware” is spelt “swear”
“i” is always capitalized

I do not claim to be a great speller, but I’m guessing you did not graduate High School?

Mr. Phucked thanks you for your feedback!