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Looking for a small dick and a LARGE dick

by Mr. Phucked 4/1/2009 12:30:00 AM

Here is a great ad I found on CraigsList for a girl Looking for a small dick and a LARGE dick

Im looking for 2 dicks to come join me for some fun this friday. Im looking for a small dick. Im talking so small that you pee on your nutts when you take a piss. You will be tied up humiliated and teased while i tie off your balls with a rope. Im going to humiliate your dick and make it feel stupid, because im a bitch like that. I want to tease you untill you cant take it anymore. Then im going to let BIG dick fuck me while you watch so he can show you how its done. After he is done fucking you can come in and finish me off.

So basically im looking for 2 guys, one has to have a tiny dick, and the other has to have a big and i mean big dick, 10 inches or better. You must be open to group sex, and be submissive, just do what i fucking tell you and there wont be a problem. You must be disease free, I really dont care what you look like, im fucking your dick not your face.

Here are the requirements: In the email either type "small dick" or "LARGE dick" in the title (so i know what category you fall under) No one liners or horrible grammer. You must include your age, gender, and if you are available this friday night A pic is a must. (how do i know how big or pathetic your dick is?) You must do exactly what I instruct you to. (im the boss, get that right bitch) If you can meet these requirements, we need to talk. If you dont I will delete your email.

I know im a bitch, and im demanding, but guess what? Your horny, and i got the pussy, so it looks like your fucked.

Now about me im 29 I live in fullerton near Harbor and Orangethorpe, I can host. Im white, green eyes, jet black hair, im five eight", 137, 36C's, ive got a slim waist, long legs, and a tight ass pussy and ass.

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Dating on Craigs List

by Mr. Phucked 2/13/2009 12:30:00 AM
I know I have made fun of people from Craigslist before.  There are good catches out there (Shout out to Annik)

But many are sad, pathetic losers.  Who cannot even get laid in a whore house because they're too cheap to even pay for a real dating site.
Take Perseus for example.  This guy is looking for a cute and petit Asian girl who is into "cosplay, role-playing, anime and manga"

View The Ad From Persues


Perseus dating on craigslist

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To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

by Mr. Phucked 1/21/2009 12:30:00 AM

Kimber Eclipse Custom II

Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )
________________________________________
Reply to:  [?]
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
 
- Alex

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Crime

"Housekeeping, you want towel?"

by Annik 11/2/2008 7:21:00 PM

I have a third sister who found Jesus, "thanks" to the help of her boyfriend a few months ago. She studied the bible, went to bible study, eventually got baptised, and now make's going to church a regular part of her life. Then, being a big girl, she lost a lot of weight (by admitted self-starvation and cardio exercise) and her attitude changed. Ever since then, she has had this extremely crabby attitude with me - unbearable to the point of where I never want to speak to her again. It was speculated she was not only using diet pills, but also using meth to assist with her weight loss as it had become an obsession. Again, it was all circumspect and I had nothing to prove it with.

We got into a fight today via text message while she was at church that ended with us agreeing to never speak to each other again. I kept thinking, "Knowing her, there is always some kind of underlying hypocrisy. I wonder what it is?" 

Just a few minutes ago, I woke up from a nap and checked my email to find one from my old male roommate, whom I had lived with a year and a half ago.

 

ok so i'm trolling CL last night and see a girl post an ad saying that she's come across hard times and will do cleaning, cooking, whatever for money. feeling like an ass, i write her back and ask if she'll do nude cleaning. she writes me back and says she'll do whatever i want.

then i put 2 and 2 together. i just looked and can't seem to find her ad anymore

her name is [sister's name redacted] and her email is [email address redacted]
it's your fucking sister!!!! hahahaha. i promise i won't write her back.

 

Awesome. 

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Gangbang on CraigsList

by Mr. Phucked 11/12/2007 9:30:00 PM

Over the weekend I decided to have some fun with Craig’s list (CL) craigslist.org

I’m sure many of the frequent readers of this site have visited Craig’s list and know the personals section to be as seedy as a massage parlor in Thailand.  For those CL virgins, let me elaborate.

In the personals section we have the following categories:

  1. Strictly Platonic (Very few entries in here)
  2. Women seeking women (Big smile)
  3. Women seeking men
  4. Men seeking women
  5. Men seeking men (uuuuh, yeah)
  6. Misc romance
  7. Casual encounters
  8. Missed connections
  9. Rants and raves

For categories 2-5 there is a very high percentage of ads from either escorts (hookers), massage parlors who provide special massages and idiots trying to make some commission by pushing sites like adultfriendfinder.com

I decided to post an ad under categories 4 and 7.  My ad read as follows:

Drinks tonight?
My date cancelled on me so is anyone up for meeting for a few drinks?  Let’s see if we have any chemistry…
About me:
28 y/o
6’ 2”
Good build
Dark hair and Blue eyes

So what responses did I receive?

• There were 6 responses from idiots pushing some sex sites. 
• One response from a fat “ethnic” woman who was available after midnight. No amount of drinks would make me meet up with her!
• One response from a guy who stated that he and his girlfriend would like to meet me and gave me his phone number.  Now this one sounded like a good story…

I decided to call this guy to see what the deal was.  The call went like this...

He and I small talked for a few minutes discussing where I was from, what I like to do and my favorite drinks.  He invites me over to his place for some drinks with him and his girl.  He says he has lots of wine and vodka so it should be a good time.
I ask him what he has in mind.
He says my girl really likes to get gangbanged and double teamed.   Double teaming of course is when both men are phucking the girl at the same time.
Apparently she really likes to get double teamed.  He proceeded to give me directions to his place and when the call came to an end I hung up and burst out laughing.

I've always wondered about the dynamics of double teaming.  One guy is in the vagina, the other the ass.  Do their balls touch?  I should think so, not so cool!
Then I thought of other possibilities that could be far worse!
What if this guy used this ploy to get guys to come over to man rape them?  He could be some big burly guy who might try to man rape my ass?
I would knock at the door, the door would open and I would be pulled inside ahh , the agony!

So what did I do?  I decided to play Halo 3 on Xbox 360 and keep my asshole safe.

Remember, if you like our article, Digg us!

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Who writes all this crap?

Mr. Phucked
Sex: Male
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 6 feet
Weight: 175 lbs
Eyes: Blue
Penis Size: Top Secret
Location: Undisclosed location somewhere in California, United States.

Contact Mr. Phucked

Annik
Annik
(Actual Knee)
Sex: Female
Ethnicity: Asian
Height: 5 feet 2 inches
Weight: Perfect and Sexy Proportions
Eyes: Brown
Vagina Status: Waxed, smooth and available
Location: Residing at a different undisclosed location somewhere in California, United States.
Contact Annik


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