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Execution In Lebanon

by Mr. Phucked 5/20/2010 12:30:00 AM

In Lebanon, they really know how to administer justice.  In a small village in Lebanon an Egyptian guy was arrested for molesting 2 children and killing them and both her grandparents. He returned to the scene of the crime to assist them in their investigation.  The locals had other ideas and captured him from the police, dragged him behind a car first then put him up an electric pole in the middle of the street.

Thanks to Ted for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
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Date Mr. Phucked

by Mr. Phucked 5/4/2010 7:38:00 PM
Mr. Phucked is now single again.  As many have expressed on ThatsPhucked.com there are at least a few ladies interested in dating Mr. Phucked!

So ladies, some information about Mr. Phucked

Height: 6 feet
Hair: Black
Build: Slim and muscular toned
Eyes: Blue (Yes, you will loose yourself in them)
Sex Drive: I am Mr. Phucked you know!
Age: 37
Location: Southern California (Orange County)
Pictures available to the short list of applicants

What about Mr. Phucked's potential date?  how should she be?

Height: Really, who cares
Hair: Not short, blue or purple
Build: Slim or average (Note: Average does not mean fat)
Sex Drive: You need to ask?
Pussy: Shaved.  Waxed gets extra points
Favorite female body parts: Legs, Breasts, ass, eyes and smile.  Humm, that's pretty much all
Personality Preferences: Easy going, fun, caring and good sense of humor

Please submit your "Date Mr. Phucked" application to the Date Mr. Phucked Community Group, add your comments here on PhuckedTube

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The Worst Date Ever!

by Mr. Phucked 3/15/2010 12:30:00 AM

This is an article posted on forum.BodyBuilding.com from a guy named "Malodrax" about his worst date, ever!
This is long, but well worth the read, it's phucken funny!

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
At that point things get even worse...

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

-------------------------------------

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to Alisdr for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
Upload your own video or Send your video or Picture to Mr. Phucked.

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Murder Of Ex GirlFriend

by Mr. Phucked 2/3/2010 12:30:00 AM
Don't date this guy. He will break up with you, big time!

Currently rated 4.4 by 30 people

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The Booty Call Agreement

by Mr. Phucked 5/27/2009 12:30:00 AM
This Booty Call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as the Agreement) is entered into on the _____ day of __________, 2009, by _______________, between _____________ and ___________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
  1. No sleeping over--unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
  2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
  3. No calls before 9 PM--we don't have shit to talk about.
  4. None of that "lovemaking" shit --only mind-blowing sex allowed.
  5. No emotional discussions--Examples: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is no, so don't ask.
  6. No plans made in advance--that is why you are called the "back-up," unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time, advanced-arrangement.
  7. All gifts accepted--money is always good.
  8. No baby talk--however, dirty talk is encouraged.
  9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers--it's really none of your damn business.
  10. No calling each other "friends with privileges"--we are not friends, just sex buddies.
  11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK--don't be offended.
  12. No extra clothing--I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
  13. No falling asleep right after sex--it's over, so get your ass up and go home.
  14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it--I don't care.
  15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
  16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."
  17. Doggie style preferred--just hit it hard and right or get the hell out.
  18. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you, just fuck you.
  19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME--so don't keep calling.

*** EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS***

The aforementioned rules may be altered by the holder of the agreement.
If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list, BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.

Participating partners:
Signature: ______________________
Date: ______________________

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Cliffhanger Sex

by Mr. Phucked 2/17/2009 12:30:00 AM
How about some sex while hanging of a cliff?
Think it's real or green screen?

Thanks to Tom for submitting this to Mr. Phucked

Submit your Video or Picture to Mr. Phucked 

Currently rated 4.5 by 60 people

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Dating on Craigs List

by Mr. Phucked 2/13/2009 12:30:00 AM
I know I have made fun of people from Craigslist before.  There are good catches out there (Shout out to Annik)

But many are sad, pathetic losers.  Who cannot even get laid in a whore house because they're too cheap to even pay for a real dating site.
Take Perseus for example.  This guy is looking for a cute and petit Asian girl who is into "cosplay, role-playing, anime and manga"

View The Ad From Persues


Perseus dating on craigslist

Currently rated 3.5 by 23 people

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Orgy Party

by Mr. Phucked 1/25/2009 12:30:00 AM

Since I'm Mr. Phucked, I sign up for all kinds of crap.  I had signed up to receive newsletters from a Yahoo group that like to swing.
They call themselves "SoCal Circus" and like to get together for swinger parties, orgies, gangbangs etc.
Here is their latest announcement...

"Hey there everybody!!! I am grinnin ear to ear at some wonderful news.
One of my absolute favorite couples got married TODAY sooooo
CONGRATS!!! They are very HOT, SEXXXY, FUN LOVING, EASY GOING,
ATTRACTIVE, and I am grateful that they are really good friends of
mine. They are coming out to tonight's ORGY PARTY to clelebrate their
marriage with us. I am soooooo stoked. This couple is a breath of fresh
air for me. It is awesome to see two wonderful people getting married
and I take it as a huge compliment that they want to celebrate with us.
It is AWESOME to celebrate life, the lifestyle, love, beauty, and
everything positive this world has to offer like this!!!

This HOT HOT HOT Couple Got Married Today And They're Coming Out To The
Socal Circus Party Tonight. They Want plenty Of Other Hot Couples And
Women To Celebrate With."

Now is that a wedding night or what!

You can check them out at SoCal Circus

Currently rated 4.0 by 11 people

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Online Dating, gone too far?

by Mr. Phucked 1/23/2009 12:30:00 AM

Would you date this chick?  In fact, is she even a woman?  Think "she" might have a dick...

ugly chick2

Currently rated 3.4 by 16 people

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Daughter traded for beer and beef

by Mr. Phucked 1/16/2009 12:30:00 AM

Father tried to sell his daughter for $16,000, 160 cases of beer and six cases of meat.
Ever wondered how much you can sell your daughter for?  Now you know...

Currently rated 4.0 by 13 people

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1 Man, 1 Slut, 1 Doll

by Mr. Phucked 12/7/2008 12:30:00 AM

I guess when you cannot find a second guy, a doll will do!

Currently rated 3.3 by 85 people

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Ugly Wife

by Mr. Phucked 11/30/2008 12:30:00 AM
Got My Girlfriend To Model For My Car

After the Got My Girlfriend to Model for My Car article.  Here is what I think are probably some of the ugliest wedding pictures I have seen!

The bride looks like a human female pig with balding hair.  Her bridesmaids at least look human but larger than life for sure!

Check out her wedding cake, it's actually made of twinkies!

Click the images below for the FULL FACE SHOT!

Ugly Wife Ugly Wife Ugly Wife
Ugly Wife Ugly Wife Ugly Wife
Ugly Wife

Thanks to Phill for introducing us to The Ugly Wife!

Currently rated 4.0 by 21 people

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Muslin Online Dating

by Mr. Phucked 11/21/2008 12:30:00 AM

I'm sure many of you have tried online dating, but would it work in Muslim countries?
They cannot show their faces so how would you know if they were attractive or ugly?

Example Ad:
I like to take long walks on the beach and tease my date by allowing the wind to gently blow my burke (face covering) a little and maybe allow you a glimpse of my nose, maybe even a cheek.
Maybe after 2 years of dating, I'll show you my ear.
Email me, let's meet for a coffee, I'll bring my short straw...

Currently rated 3.8 by 26 people

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Crazy Elaine

by Mr. Phucked 11/19/2008 12:30:00 AM
In Los Angeles, KISS FM is a pretty popular radio station.  They have a show called "Ryan's Roses" where a radio employee pretends to send flowers to (usually a guy) for free.  The test is to see if he sends them to his girlfriend/wife or someone else...

In this case Elaine is testing her man.  It turns out, she is the crazy one!
 

Currently rated 4.6 by 54 people

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Dimitri The Stud

by Mr. Phucked 11/16/2008 12:30:00 AM
Would you date this man?  What a looser!
Make sure to read the transcript below the video...
 
 
Message 1

Hey Olga, it's Dimitri.

Sorry I had to leave such a rushed message with you when we met the other day. I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number, and needed to get the heck out of the area. In any event, I thought I had better leave you a more detailed message and explain why I approached you. I am single. I have no trouble meeting women; I mean, women approach me six or seven times a day. But I'm extremely particular about what I like. You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous — even if they say they weren't, they were envious of the fact that I approached you, and I was very taken by you. Elegant women are very rare. I'm Greek and I'm extremely particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. I don't know if you picked up the message on the weekend but I'm working on a movie script so I'll be doing that all weekend…

This looks like a land line, and if it is you may not get the message till Monday. But when you do, call me and we'll get together for coffee or drinks, and let the romance begin. You looked very taken aback by my approach, and I hope that wasn't timidness, I hope it was just shock at being approached so directly. Because I don't really date timid women, because I'm a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man, and I want a woman who is very independent and strong. So… we'll talk about that, but I just wanted to formally introduce myself. I leave the ball in your court. You call me as soon as you have the courage to. Okay, Olga? Talk to you soon, bye.

Message 2:

Hi there, Olga it's Dimitri calling again, the guy from the street.
I left you a message several days ago you said you were interested. Now, here's the way I work. I don't like leaving second messages but I like you, you're a very elegant woman, you're very attractive, but, you know, I don't play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls; you're playing games like you see in stupid TV shows. So here's how it's gonna work. It is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now I'll assume, I'll assume that you've already left work, because, you know, some people leave work early, so I'll grant you that. But if I don't receive a phone call back from you by 3 o'clock Thursday afternoon I'm no longer interested and I'm going to erase your number. I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months; I had a long distance relationship for about a year, it's very tough to maintain it like that; there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you by then, you lose my number — I'm erasing your number right now, so you won't be hearing back from me.

So that's it: three o'clock tomorrow, or you can just completely forget it.

Now I understand if you've got other issues, maybe you're not playing games, I don't know… maybe you were abused in childhood?…Maybe your mother has cancer, and you're going to chemo…maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe you're on some medication for that…I don't know, there could be another issue that I'm not aware of. But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder. You let me know, if you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested. But if you're psychologically normal, and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible thing that's happened in your life that's prevented you from returning my calls, that's fine. But otherwise? Don't call me. Okay, bye.

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Mr. Phucked
Sex: Male
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 6 feet
Weight: 175 lbs
Eyes: Blue
Penis Size: Top Secret
Location: Undisclosed location somewhere in California, United States.

Contact Mr. Phucked

Annik
Annik
(Actual Knee)
Sex: Female
Ethnicity: Asian
Height: 5 feet 2 inches
Weight: Perfect and Sexy Proportions
Eyes: Brown
Vagina Status: Waxed, smooth and available
Location: Residing at a different undisclosed location somewhere in California, United States.
Contact Annik


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