awwww. Don't they make a cute couple...?

Tomorrow.  We show Cat Bath Time... (More phucked up)

In Colombia it's normal for a women seek a drug lord as a husband to enjoy a pleasant and easy life.  They get an apartment for only have dinner with them, a car if they phucked for a night and so on.  Often the women are very attractive, but at the same time they are greedy, bitchy and slutty.  If you are a good whore, you should know you don't phuck with those people by cheating.
Otherwise...

Thanks to onephuckeduphead for submitting this to Mr. Phucked.
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In Lebanon, they really know how to administer justice.  In a small village in Lebanon an Egyptian guy was arrested for molesting 2 children and killing them and both her grandparents. He returned to the scene of the crime to assist them in their investigation.  The locals had other ideas and captured him from the police, dragged him behind a car first then put him up an electric pole in the middle of the street.

Thanks to Ted for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
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Mr. Phucked is now single again.  As many have expressed on ThatsPhucked.com there are at least a few ladies interested in dating Mr. Phucked!

So ladies, some information about Mr. Phucked

Height: 6 feet
Hair: Black
Build: Slim and muscular toned
Eyes: Blue (Yes, you will loose yourself in them)
Sex Drive: I am Mr. Phucked you know!
Age: 37
Location: Southern California (Orange County)
Pictures available to the short list of applicants

What about Mr. Phucked's potential date?  how should she be?

Height: Really, who cares
Hair: Not short, blue or purple
Build: Slim or average (Note: Average does not mean fat)
Sex Drive: You need to ask?
Pussy: Shaved.  Waxed gets extra points
Favorite female body parts: Legs, Breasts, ass, eyes and smile.  Humm, that's pretty much all
Personality Preferences: Easy going, fun, caring and good sense of humor

Please submit your "Date Mr. Phucked" application to the Date Mr. Phucked Community Group, add your comments here on PhuckedTube

This is an article posted on forum.BodyBuilding.com from a guy named "Malodrax" about his worst date, ever!
This is long, but well worth the read, it's phucken funny!

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??


So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!


So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.



I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:



I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....


At that point things get even worse...


The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

-------------------------------------

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to Alisdr for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
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Don't date this guy. He will break up with you, big time!

This Booty Call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as the Agreement) is entered into on the _____ day of __________, 2009, by _______________, between _____________ and ___________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over--unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM--we don't have shit to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit --only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions--Examples: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance--that is why you are called the "back-up," unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time, advanced-arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted--money is always good.
8. No baby talk--however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers--it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges"--we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK--don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing--I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex--it's over, so get your ass up and go home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it--I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style preferred--just hit it hard and right or get the hell out.
18. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you, just fuck you.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME--so don't keep calling.

*** EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS***

The aforementioned rules may be altered by the holder of the agreement.
If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list, BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.

Participating partners:
Signature: ______________________
Date: ______________________

How about some sex while hanging of a cliff?
Think it's real or green screen?

Thanks to Tom for submitting this to Mr. Phucked

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I know I have made fun of people from Craigslist before.  There are good catches out there (Shout out to Annik)

But many are sad, pathetic losers.  Who cannot even get laid in a whore house because they're too cheap to even pay for a real dating site.
Take Perseus for example.  This guy is looking for a cute and petit Asian girl who is into "cosplay, role-playing, anime and manga"

View The Ad From Persues

Since I'm Mr. Phucked, I sign up for all kinds of crap.  I had signed up to receive newsletters from a Yahoo group that like to swing.
They call themselves "SoCal Circus" and like to get together for swinger parties, orgies, gangbangs etc.
Here is their latest announcement...

"Hey there everybody!!! I am grinnin ear to ear at some wonderful news.
One of my absolute favorite couples got married TODAY sooooo
CONGRATS!!! They are very HOT, SEXXXY, FUN LOVING, EASY GOING,
ATTRACTIVE, and I am grateful that they are really good friends of
mine. They are coming out to tonight's ORGY PARTY to clelebrate their
marriage with us. I am soooooo stoked. This couple is a breath of fresh
air for me. It is awesome to see two wonderful people getting married
and I take it as a huge compliment that they want to celebrate with us.
It is AWESOME to celebrate life, the lifestyle, love, beauty, and
everything positive this world has to offer like this!!!

This HOT HOT HOT Couple Got Married Today And They're Coming Out To The
Socal Circus Party Tonight. They Want plenty Of Other Hot Couples And
Women To Celebrate With."

Now is that a wedding night or what!

You can check them out at SoCal Circus