At times your vagina smelled just like my pits
After running a marathon in 126
Degree heat and my feet smelled good
Compared to your gobbler of wood
But I digress,
On the days you didn't smell like sweat
The sex was the best
Put my dick to the test
We'd fuck until my dick looked like it was addicted to meth
Raw like I masturbated with wire mesh
I choked you spanked you and pulled your hair
You moaned like I was fucking murdering you down there
And then I'd flip you over, and reach for the lube
Squeeze that tube while I squeeze your boob
Took a closer look "What the Eff" I gasped
You had a mustache growing out your ass
Girls' asses aren't supposed to be hairy
My little peter says, nary, that shit is just too scary
And sometimes just right in the angle of the light
It looked like you had stubble maybe it's my eye sight
Stubbly chin, B.O., and your ass had a mop
I think I was fucking a transsexual post op

Women on the internet

There seems to be a direct relationship between how easily a girl on the internet will meet a guy and how ugly / fat she is. The last girl I went to go meet out was so fat and hideous that I didn't even stop my car when I realized it was her. I may have dented my car and killed her but I definitely wasn't going to brake for that whale.

Older women at bars

If I realized how easy it is to bag Milfs when I was younger I would've been up to my eyelids in wrinkled vagina (and probably herpes) when I was 17. But I'm not 17 anymore and not horny enough to designate 5 minutes to responding to your old drunk ass. Go away. Go back to your husband and your kids. You're embarrassing yourself. Don't let the horny old drunk guys who have no game thwart you otherwise.

Last Friday night I went out with a group of girls and I was the designated driver. While at first I thought this would be awesome, it eventually turned into a horrible night, starting with me profiling each girl as the night progressed. Below is my profiling chart. I was only wrong about 1 of them.

The Blonde
She's going to be absolutely hammered by her first two fruity drinks and will be one of those loud mouthed "WOOOO" girls all night long. You know the type, the type who yell out: WOOOOOO from my moving car window. And yep, she was that annoying girl.

The Brunette
She's going to cry at some point tonight because she will get into an argument with her on and off boyfriend on the phone, then she will power drink to hide her emotions, then at some point she will be sitting in my lap drunk as shit and complaining about her boyfriend. Note that this is not awesome, and no matter how good your tits look while you're sitting on my lap, watching you go in between drunk fits of wanting to fuck me and crying about your boyfriend every couple minutes is a huge turn off. I can barely handle that shit when I'm drunk myself, but not at all when I'm sober. Check, I was right about her to the tee.

The Girl With No Butt What So Ever
I had her pegged as the girl I would be sleeping with at the end of the night, but I just can't keep the comments to myself and keep making fun of her no-ass. She seriously had an upside-down triangle ass, and my big mouth successfully made it so that she hated me.

The Tall Chick
I had her pegged from the beginning as being the one that will puke in my car and end up sleeping in my bathtub. I was only 1/2 right, and as she got more and more drunk she eventually went home with a friend of mine only to puke in his car and pass out in his doorway.
Thank God

Mr. Phucked would like to introduce Matt.

Matt will be joining That's Phucked adding his view on life, dating, family and all things Phucked!

His first article is Racism, Sex, and Anal

Welcome Matt!

White girls are the worst for anal. Every white girl I've tried anal with has cried and it sucked.

Asian girls seem to cry too but then at the same time they scream "harder harder, so big power."

Little latina girls are way into it too but I swear to god you can pull out early wearing two condoms, flush the condoms and some sperm seems to find a way back into their love nooks impregnating them.

Black chicks are like retards. Give them something shiny and they'll do ANYTHING.

I've never had sex with a Jewish girl, probably because my nose isn't big enough, so I'm just going out on a limb here and guessing they like noses up their butts.