That's Phucked

RE: Elder Porn, What The Fuck?

Mr. Phucked's post on Elder Porn reminded me of something I read on Best of Craigslist:

Found: One large bag of "Granny Porn" DVDs

Dude (well, I assume you're a dude), what the hell is your problem? You left a huge bag full of Granny porn on the sidewalk in Carlsbad. I can only assume this was deliberate. It's not like you're walking the streets with five pounds of porn DVDs, get home, and realize "damn, I must have accidentally dropped all my porn somewhere".

Come on man, what's wrong with you? Some kid could have found this stuff. I won't lecture you about the general moral obligation to properly dispose of porn. For a guy whose collection includes volumes 1-8 of "Deep Throat Grannies", I doubt the term "moral obligation" is a part of your regular vocabulary. I'm sure you're also the kind of guy who dumps his used motor oil down the sink.

Seriously though, do you want some kid finding this stuff, popping it into his Mouseketeers DVD player and seeing his nana taking on more cocks than she has holes? Yeah, I'm sure that won't cause any latent problems as the kid grows up and tries to nurture normal relationships with women.

Anyway, I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy and this content is just a little too mature for my pallet. If anyone is into this stuff and wants the DVDs, hit me up with an email. Maybe one of you girls on a budget would like to pick up something thoughtful for your man (Valentine’s Day is just around the corner). There's something like 200 hours worth of (mostly) Granny porn here. Oh, and if you look like Macaulay Culkin I'll need to see some ID.

By the way, I'm keeping one DVD called "Bangkok Boobarella". Hey, even we meat and potatoes guys occasionally want a little port-wine reduction.

Jeez, Grammy! Say it ain't so!

Elder Porn, What The Phuck?

Shigeo Tokud

The Japanese seem to have an art for some phucked up shit.  Just take a look at 2 girls 1 finger video if you need some evidence.
I guess after watching 2 girls 1 finger that it is not too surprising that the Japanese have a new booming sex industry, Elder Porn!

Shigeo Tokud (pictured) is 74 years old and one of many ever growing elder porn stars.  He has appeared in over 350 films in the past 14 years.
He specializes in "older-men-and-daughters-in-law" series of films with such hits as Maniac Training of Lolita's, in December 2004 and Forbidden Elderly Care in August 2006.

With the ever increasing amount of elder residents in Japan, industry experts expect this segment to grow.  Already about 300 of the 1000 films produced by Shigeo's distributer are "mature women" films.

17 Teen Girls Get Pregnant Deliberately

teen girl pregnant What the Phuck is going on in High Schools in Boston?
17 teenage school girls, many less than 16 years of age have become pregnant in a "pregnancy pact"
They have entered into a pact to have their babies together over the year.

"Some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Gloucester High School principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine.

Local officials said at least some of the men involved in the pregnancies were in their mid-20s, including one man who appeared to be homeless. Others were boys in the school.

What are these girls thinking?  It will be fun to have baby as a teenage girl?
The men in their 20s will probably end up with statutory rape charges and they will ALL end up paying for the next 18 years with child support! 

Guys.  If you ever need a reason to ALWAYS wear a rubber, this is it!

This is for sure the most Phucked Up article of the week!

When Logos Don't Go As Planned

They repair just computers?

Kids Exchange or Kid Sex Change?  Either way, not good!

I called them up.  Misleading advertising, there is no sex position training!

US Marine Expelled for Throwing Puppy Off Cliff

david motari In march of this year we showed the now infamous video of a US Marine Throwing a Puppy Off Cliff

The video clearly shows two Marines joking before one hurls the puppy off a cliff.
A yelping sound is heard as the puppy flies through the air.

Marine Corps Base Hawaii said in a news release Wednesday that Lance Cpl. David Motari received unspecified "non-judicial punishment" and "is being processed for separation" from the Marine Corps.

The second Marine, Sgt. Crismarvin Banez Encarnacion, also received unspecified "non-judicial" punishment.

Discuss in forum

The Ultimate Dating Site

As most of the ThatsPhucked readers probably know.  I have dabbled in on-line dating.
You can read about some of my experiences here in the forum.

I think I may have just discovered the Ultimate Dating Site.
Having just been on several dates with one of my matches, I really think I may have found "The One"
Could Mr. Phucked finally be in love?

Find True Love 


The 8 Signs You May Be Gay

If you are still confused after this.  You can try the Gay Test.

  1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
    It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
    rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
  2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
    but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
    delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just
    think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
    over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
    daddy, snookums!" you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
  3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
    nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ
    ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits.
    Anything else and you are in training and undeniably becoming a fag.
  4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
    parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
    bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
  5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will
    never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte
    to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
  6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
    different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be
    handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his
    brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you
    know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
    other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
  7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
    tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
    slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that
    hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

3 Horses 1 Surprise

Annik tries to bang handsome businessman; fails miserably.

I woke up yesterday morning to find an email in my old AOL account. It was from a guy I met a few years ago, who we will call TheSaabGuy. The night before, we had talked for the first time in however long (more than a year, that’s for sure).


Good catching up with you last night - thought you had dropped off the scope! Finally got some much needed sleep here. Hope you did too.

Invitation for dinner is still open - my old roommate sent me a box of Omaha steaks this week as a gift for taking care of some stuff for him so we can chow on those! Drop me an email this week or give me a call when you get the time.

Talk to you soon!


I thought, “Wow. That’s a nice offer.” I had considered accepting the offer, until I thought about why we haven’t gone out in so long – then I remembered.

I don’t exactly remember when I had met TheSaabGuy – I think it might have been shortly after my birthday in 2002, winter-time. Doing some work online, I received an instant message from a person with a username that obviously indicated he was 31, lived in San Diego, and that he was a guy. He told me he spotted my profile, owned property and lived in Carlsbad, worked as some sort of businessman (I don’t remember what kind of “business” exactly), earned his MBA from some school I didn’t care enough about to remember, and spent a few years as a commissioned officer in the Marines. He sent a few photos; some of his house in Carlsbad, a few of him in uniform, etc. I liked the photos, so I kept talking to him and found him to be somewhat intelligent, which ultimately resulted in me continuing our correspondence for what seemed like two months. Unfortunately (for him), he was involved in a fairly serious relationship with a girl from a neighboring town – and the relationship was turning pretty sour, which was believable as his reasoning for its decline was a valid one (lack of communication). I thought nothing of it, as I had detected no indication that it would go beyond chatting online – until he started calling me.

TheSaabGuy didn’t call me often, but when he did, the conversations were generally fluent in small talk and topics of current events; however, one phone call in particular sticks out in my head. I don’t remember the flow of the discourse or how we got there, but I remember lying down on my bed – I think I had just gotten home from wherever or was getting ready to leave. The topic of conversation went from something completely trivial, to relationships, women, men, and then sex. Next thing you know, his tone of voice changes from casual to don’t-quit-your-day-job seductive (as in “failed,” if you don’t understand my description). All of this, while the topic of conversation shifts from waxing intellectual about sex to my past exploits and whatever it was I was wearing at the moment. After ten minutes, my slow thinking abilities finally catch up and I realize what he’s doing.

A: What are you… doing?
Saab: What do you think I’m doing?
A: You’re not jerking off, are you?
Saab: Well, yeah.
A: …okay.
Saab: So,
[insert sexy babble]
A: …uh huh.
[sexy babble continues]
A: …yep.

[sexy babble continues for five minutes, complete with my infamous one-word responses]

Saab: Okay, this whole phone sex thing is kind of weird.
A: …ah, yeah.

Bad-phone-sex tone of voice reverts to casual tone of voice and he bids me farewell as he has to wake up early. What a relief.

A couple of weeks later, I don’t remember specifically when, we were talking again and I’m not sure how the subject came up, but things weren’t going so well with his girlfriend (whom he almost broke up with), so he wasn’t doing too well. Combined, he and I are natural geniuses and figured that getting together to hook up would make everything better – this is Annik’s version of putting 2 and 2 together to get 4, folks. I hadn’t gotten laid in a while; bear with me. So I give him directions to my place and remind him that we can’t do it there because I’m living with my mother. That, and the place was filthy and being that I’m lazy, I didn’t want to clean it. He says he’ll get a room for the night and blah, blah, blah; you get the idea. “See you in an hour.”

No doubt, an hour later, he pulls up in a Saab. I was wearing my famous black nurse’s dress, complete with heels – or was it flip flops? I don’t remember, but I know I looked like a raging slut. TheSaabGuy, on the other hand, was wearing business attire – button-up collared shirt, slacks, and dress shoes. It looked like something you would see out of an episode of Cops – a successful businessman picking up an Asian hooker turning expensive tricks out of her home. It was kind of hot, in a dirty porno fantasy kind of way. We make small talk and hit the hotel room he reserved at the Holiday Inn, which was only a few miles down the street from my house near the Long Beach Municipal Airport. We walk inside of the seemingly expensive facility and hit the elevator as our room was on the fourth or fifth floor of the tower, though I’m not sure – there was a nice view of Long Beach, though. I walk into the room, set my purse down, and take a look out the window. The night was pretty clear as I could get a good view of Signal Hill, which put me in a fairly good mood – and when I’m in a good mood, I’m usually pretty horny. Well, who am I kidding? I get horny when I’m angry. I turn around and take a look at him sitting on the bed. Not wanting to be rude before going for a ride on his seed steed, I sit down beside him and ask him casual questions – how are you doing, how was the ride over, etc. I’m not exactly sure what happened at that point, but we ended up lying down, making out for a few minutes with a grope here and a grope there from his manly and well-maintained hands. Kissing me, groping my rack, and unbuttoning my dress completely – all done simultaneously. Truly, this man was talented. My bare chest was now fully exposed, as well as my black panties. He kissed my face, my neck, my lips, rinse, repeat – and each time he kissed my neck, I expected him to go down further to get things going. He kissed my lips again and stuck his hand down my panties and began fondling me. I thought, “Wow. Finally, we’re making progress. LOOK OUT ORGASM, HERE I COME.” He stopped everything, for what seemed like an awkward second, momentarily. He resumed his actions, but once again, stopped everything he was doing and rested his head on my chest. I thought this was kind of unusual, especially since the hiatus was a lot more prolonged than the previous time.

A: Is something wrong?
Saab: Yeah.
A: What is it?
Saab: I don’t think I can do this.
A: Ah, why is that?
(translation: ...come again?)
Saab: I don’t know. I just… feel REALLY guilty.
A: Guilty?
(translation: WHAT?)
Saab: You’re really very, very beautiful…but I can’t do this.
A: Okay, that’s fine.
(translation: FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.)
Saab: I just can’t cheat on her. I don’t have the heart to do it.
A: I understand completely, don’t worry about it.
(translation: if you seriously had any fucking balls, that is exactly where I’d kick you.)
Saab: Get dressed, I’ll take you home.

The course of conversation in that ten minutes happened so fast, I wasn’t sure whether to be frustrated or grateful. Well, I didn’t get the penis so I was naturally frustrated. I buttoned up, kept a smile on my face, and we headed out. He apologized profusely up until we pulled up to my place where we both said good night. I walked into the living room and looked out the window as he drove off and thought, “Man. I am never doing that again.”

I rubbed one out and went to sleep.

Subject: Monday
Date: 8/29/2005 11:06:19 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: TheSaabGuy
To: My AOL account

Hey babe,
Do me a favor and dont post that story about us - hopefully you havent already? I just thought about it today and you never know about the internet nowadays... I'd hate it to get back to someone I knew and all even if it is under an alias. Thank you so much. Hope you are having a great week. Work is already kicking my ass and its only Monday! Geez!

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