We all now know that swine flu started when a kid kissed a pig.

Now, thanks to Google, we know where they live!

This Google overlay of swine flu cases shows you where they are...

Does your neighbor have swine flu? If so, tell us!

Thanks to Derek for submitting this to Mr. Phucked.

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,
that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio , they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping
Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, really
we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans
(and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies..

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too.

Peace out,

Blue States

With the change of President approaching, change in currency is also.

Some might say this is racist and perhaps it is.  No offence intended, just for fun!

After the passing of Proposition 8, it's now illegal for gays to marry here in California.
Opponents to Prop 8 have already marched through Hollywood.  They are taking their fight to the streets and are preparing their military for the fight for equal rights!

Terry Tate (Office Linebacker) makes his long awaited return during a recent Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric. 

 

Here is the first minute of Hustlers new video "Nailin' Paylin"

 

Narrow maritime border, indeed.

I also wonder if the phrase "Putin rears his head" is a political colloquialism for "I'm a fucking retard?"

After the recent debates, who will you vote for?

Although his wife is pretty hot...

Fox News is normally biased, but it's very clear in this video. 
The reporter asks the room who is going to vote for McCain. Two people raised their hand and one put it down again when no one else voted!
The reporter then asked who is going to vote for Obama. Pretty much everyone raised their hand and the reporter had the balls to say it was a close call and this is going to be a swing state!

The "free press" at its finest!

This flowchart clearly explains Sarah Palin's planned response to the vice presidential debate.

President  George W. Bush  was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes.

They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.

So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said  Bush , 'that would be an accident.'
 
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'
 
'I'm afraid not,' explained  Bush . 'That's what we would call great loss.'
 
The room went silent. No other children volunteered.

Bush searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
 
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs.  Bush  was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'
 
'Fantastic!' exclaimed  Bush . 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be an accident either. 

I hate to say that I probably have more foreign policy than Sarah Palin.