That's Phucked

What Does Poo Say To Head?

So What Does Poo Say To Head?  Hi of course!

What Does Poo Say To Head?  Hi!

Facebook Me?

You know friends always ask "Facebook me?"
This drunk chick wishes she didn't...

Facebook me? with poo on the street

What a shity fuck

Brings a whole new meaning to a shity phuck, this guy really did get one!

What would you guys do if your girl did this?
Me?  I would grab some with my hand, reach around and rub it on her nose Yell

What a shity fuck

Guy that hasn't pooped in the month of August...

Part I

My last bowel movement was July 29th, for the last 10 days I have limited myself to one bowl of cereal a day, b/c the bloating is just too painful. I have gained 11 pounds during this entire ordeal. I've tried everything from coffee enemas to stretching. Nothing has worked. My doctor now has me on 4 different medications and I am about to do 2 different types of Enemas. He swears I shall see something pass today.

For the first time in a long while I do actually feel something going on in my lower stomach. My doctor warned, with extreme constipation of this sort, I may actually rip my anus from the impacted poop. This has forced me to take muscle relaxers and actually have to apply Vaseline to my anus twice a day.

I will keep you updated, and for you Reddit, if I release this beast, I promise to take pictures. That is if you want me to. My doctor guesses this will weigh close to 6 pounds! So buckle up and pray for my butthole.

This is the first time this has happened to me. I've gone 7 days before, but nothing like this. around day 18-20 I had to lay in bed and not move b/c the feces was causing cramps. I've had night sweats for the last week. It's gone to far, today I dont care if I rip my anus, I'm going to go to the damn bathroom!

Edit: Off to take enema numero uno, I'll be back in 10 minutes!

Off to take enema number 2, I'll be back to 15 mins. I'll also take stomach bloat pic as requested

This prob does look like much, but I'm 6'3 and weigh 175, and have to lean forward to see my toes 

Edit: guys my girlfriend has been reading your comments and thinks we need to go to another doctor, I'm kinda concerned reading your comments regarding anal tearing and his lack of attention to it. Going to go to a 24 hour clinic, I'll report back when I get home. It's cramping again and I can barely stand up. Thanks for your support. Meanwhile you have my girlfriend rather worried about our doctor of 3 years

Edit: Final update for a while guys. I'm posting this from the hospital. There are doctors and nurses wearing what looks like very expendable clothing. The doctor tells me there will be a manual retrieval that should have happened days ago. I know that you guys aren't the praying type but I need some sort of God on my side right now. I'd say that I'm scared shitless and I think that's a pretty accurate statement. Updates as soon as humanly possible. Reddit, I'm scared now.

12:01 CST Update - Sorry I fell off the face of the earth earlier. I went in to the hospital and had a rather unpleasant experience. They gave me a drug called 'golytely' and some other mild sedatives that basically allowed my ass to loosen up enough to where a nurse(male) could get his claw mouse grip into my asshole(Manual Disimpaction) and rip out what felt like a sword. In reality, the clog was about twice the size of a golfball. I really did ask if I could take a picture of it, but they just laughed it off and took it away. On a bright note, I asked if that was all that was coming. He laughed and said I was in for a grand finale after my next enema. I am too exhausted to even thinking about taking on that chore tonight. Me and my asshole are currently not on speaking terms. It's sore and feels violated. No lacerations, but very, very sore. Tomorrow is the day Reddit, tomorrow is the day. For your support all day and advice to go to the damn hospital, you shall be rewarded with countless pictures.

Part II

First and foremost I would like to thank the community of Reddit for talking me into going to the hospital and getting the cork out of me. There are a few milestones in life, but finally ridding myself of weeks of shit was a glorious personal achievement.

The immediate relief after releasing what sounded like Voldemort being killed was orgasmic.

The response was overwhelming. Last night was I guess as easy as it could have gone despite having to go the hospital. Although that wretched concoction I drank was inside of me through out the night, I believe that this morning it assisted in unleashing the Kraken.

It was a battle but your OP fought the good fight. It was mostly liquid that came out, and despite the courtesy flushes I did manage to snag some pictures of... a collection. The weight being 1.72 pounds doesn't sound as impressive as of what you might of being hoping for, but I can assure you over 2 lbs were liquid and unable to be retrieved. I expect to have to make visits to the bathroom throughout the rest of the day.

I hope you can appreciate the process of what it was like, fishing for my shit in a toilet and putting it into a bowl and weighing it. I threw up in my mouth and lost my appetite for the day. I did it for you, Reddit. You had a hand in this.

I am actually have a celebratory post-passing of the feces party tonight and I will attach a video of the turd hanging out with us.

I'll be around for about an hour or so but I suspect the girlfriend will make me get off the computer for some rest. Feel free to Ask me Anything about the process.

Warning: It's pictures of poop in a bowl.

Guy that hasn't pooped in the month of August...

Guy that hasn't pooped in the month of August...

Refer to our article on how to how to lay and measure your poo

View Original Article Here

Guy attempts to take a crap on street

Guy attempts to take a crap on the street but instead seems to push his ass out!

Guy attempts to take a crap on street but instead seems to push his ass out

Man Hangs Himself and Craps Himself

Before you all ask... Fake? Most likely.

Man hangs himself and poos
Thanks to Jeff(her first submission) for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
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The Worst Date Ever!

This is an article posted on forum.BodyBuilding.com from a guy named "Malodrax" about his worst date, ever!
This is long, but well worth the read, it's phucken funny!

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
At that point things get even worse...

worst date ever with pee, poo and an erection
The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

-------------------------------------

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to Alisdr for submitting this to Mr. Phucked
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Removing a Stuck Dildo With Surgery

In this video a doctor removes a stuck dildo from someone’s ass.

The doctors and nurses all crowd around, laugh and take pictures


Thanks to "Pein2324" for uploading this video to the Video Section

Cleveland Steamer

I've been pretty phucked up before (for various reasons)
Did I ever want my buddy to take a shit on my chest?  Hell No!

This guy did...
 

Thanks to chaddbmx for Uploading this video to the Video Section
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