That's Phucked

Farting in the office

Farting in the Office I'm sure anyone who works in an office has seen the movie Office Space?
If you have not, I highly recommend it!

One critical aspect of office life that is missing from this movie is the office fart.

The office fart can attack anytime and anyplace.

If you work in a cube, what happens...?


You fart into the soft material of the chair.  The small cube walls lure you into a false sense of security so you launch them freely.  BUT, they DO NOT prevent your neighbor from smelling your anal juices.  They will smell it!
So what can I do I hear you ask?
Best method is to release a tester.
You release a small part of your fart, and then wait 5-10 seconds to see if it smells.  If it does not, then release the whole salvo into the chair (silently).
If it does smell, you can release the whole thing but do so at your own risk as you will gain a reputation in the office.  You will be called names such as "Smelly ass", "Fart pants","stinky bottom" etc.

Sometimes even when the testers are OK, the final full fart can go bad.  The full fart can become stale as the fart is fully expelled from the anus.  This is commonly referred to as the "Silent but deadly" fart.
In this instance, try not to move too much in the chair and keep your legs together.  This will help keep the noxious gases in the chair material.  Slowly move from side to side every 30 seconds to slowly release the gases thereby minimizing pollution into the cube area.

What about when you eat a burrito and an extra serving of beans for lunch and have to attend a 2 hour meeting in the afternoon?

Firstly, you should not eat that crap.  You must plan your potential farting release schedule based on your diet.  Do not eat fart inducing foods prior to sitting in an enclosed area with anything other than pigs.
During the meeting, do not try testers.  It's just way too risky.  You will have to hold it in even if your bowel expands to twice its normal size!
After one hour, you may excuse yourself to visit the bathroom to release the mother load of all farts.  Make sure you properly ventilate your pants/skirt by moving them from side to side quickly ensuring that all residual fart gases are removed before returning to the meeting.  This should minimize the common problem of walking back, sitting down, and then smelling some fart gasses still remaining in your pants/skirt.

I hope this basic office farting guide will help you out.  It might even help with a promotion to that corner office.  We all know what an office means.
Farting freedom!

Good luck.

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Office Space Movie
Watch the Office Space Movie

Comments (24) -

That's a miracle! This is a confidential picture from the Iraq War. It's top secret weapon forced by the U.S. Troopers against the Flatusists which have entered the forts for spying the reaction of the armed foods in foreign countries ... Stay cool, and smell !

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none of your bussines
Finland none of your bussines

ur crazy

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I don't know what to comment... umm... I'll just shut up

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That was funny imoSmile

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ahahahahahahahahahah (gay)

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the god of phuck
United States the god of phuck

me, i just didnt care. we actually had contests between me and the guuys we sat next to. we used farts as they were intended, as joke heavy hitters. someone even got a beef stew lmao

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HAYWOODCHAFEE
United States HAYWOODCHAFEE

I HAD FUN THE SITES KEPT ME LAUGHING FOR HOURS ALTHOUGH SOME THINGS WERE APAULING I DID ENJOY U NASTY ASS MOTHER F*""ker

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Richkids408
United States Richkids408

weirdo

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al_kilyaraz
United States al_kilyaraz

i hate when you fart in a concealed area,all secure,then you go back to where people are and your fart has followed you!then you think if i smell it i know they can too...i call those "cult farts"cause they will follow you no matter what!

p.s.-the worst possible fart you can fart is in a hot steamy shower...
i call this fart..."The Kamikaze"

u have been warned.

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hahahahahahahahahahaha!!
I agree with al_kilyaraz about the shower one.

Seriously, its the worst.

Although not as bas as when your sharing that shower with someone...

PAH!

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I was all alone in cubicle-land over lunch hour, and I had just released a huge fart that must have lasted 10 seconds. Right afterwards, two women walked past my cubicle (they couldn't see me) and said to each other "Mmmm. smells like fried chicken. Who's cooking chicken back here"... I was just about pissing my pants trying not to bust out laughing...

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Supporting Chinese!

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sure yea right
United States sure yea right

Charles you're lying..........

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I think we all poot at the office. I have a lot of gas. I poot in my cubicle all the time. I can't keep running to the bathroom to poot. Some time I can poot a little at a time and then sit on it to keep the smell down. But today, I had so much gas and I knew it was going to smell because my stomach was burning. And sure enough, I scooted under my desk, squeezed my thighs together and lifted up and pooted and my whole cubicle filled up with stink. I know my girlfriend behind me smelled it, but she didn't say anything. I couldn't wait for her to go to lunch so I could poot real good.

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魔天-逍遥
People's Republic of China 魔天-逍遥

you are very 叼逼

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Great website...and cool article man...thanx for the great post...keep on posting such article... While canadian animals and wildlife are not quite as diverse as their American neighbors, Canada is still one of the most spectacular, all-encompassing wildlife regions on the planet.

Reply

随便看看·······

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DeathPierceMe
United Kingdom DeathPierceMe

The biggest dissapointment is the ghost poo, you must know the old rhyme...
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
You sit down for a good shit but instead let out the mother of all farts causing spontaneous vomiting from the surrounding cubicles and soul crushing dissapointment!! :p

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Hi there thank for give us valuable information in your blog i hope you can provide more information like this in future. Thanks friends

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   I was laughing so hard at the comments... oh my god that made my day. (Good advice)

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Yes he does, once I went in my mine then randomly with no armor (0.5.0) lost two hearts i turned around and I saw I cloud and creepers did nine hearts not two!!!!!!

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Someone necessarily

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I am sure this paragraph has touched all the

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