Ever wondered how to lay and measure your own poop?
Follow these scarcely detailed instructions:
- Eat a lot, don't poo.
- Wait 6 days.
- After poo has sufficiently festered, it is now ready to be laid.
- After 6 days, it's just dying to be set free, so set it free.
- Ensure no one else is around.
- Lay down 2 strips of Aluminum foil in front of an open door frame.
- Strip naked.
- Place one foot and one hand on each side of the door frame and place yourself into a squat position.
- Ensure you are securely hanging from the door frame, ass above one end of the foil, furthest away from the door frame.
- Start to squeeze the buttocks, but not too much, it has to be a controlled drop.
- As it starts to come out and approaches the foil, this is VERY important. Don't laugh! This will only pinch the poo resulting in a waste of 6 days preparation.
- When the poo first reaches the foil and continues its death spiral, start to slowly pull yourself toward the door frame.
- Continue this movement until the entire poo has been laid to rest.
- Look down and admire your work.
- Wipe ass.
- Measure poo with Sprite can and measuring stick.
- If you want to capture the occasion, grab your camera and capture what truly is the ultimate Kodak moment.
Above picture shows Poo measuring 3.2 sprites (Almost 15 inches)
Close up of poo showing texture and consistency. Can you spot the corn?
Poo cut up into 4 sections, ready for disposal.
How is the poo disposed of?
- Cut the poo using a cutting device into 4 sections (Metal dry-cleaning hanger is very effective)
- Once it's cut into 4 (or more) sections grab some toilet paper and dispose of each section into the toilet and flush.
WARNING: Do not dispose of the whole poo into toilet as this will cause a blockage of massive proportions. Resulting in brown water flooding, massive stinkiness and untold embarrassment.
- After each section has been flushed, roll up Aluminum foil and dispose into trash.
- Smile. Consider yourself one Phucked Up human being.
- Submit your pictures to Mr. Phucked here for review and possible infamy on this site.