Last Friday night I went out with a group of girls and I was the designated driver. While at first I thought this would be awesome, it eventually turned into a horrible night, starting with me profiling each girl as the night progressed. Below is my profiling chart. I was only wrong about 1 of them.
The Blonde
She's going to be absolutely hammered by her first two fruity drinks and will be one of those loud mouthed "WOOOO" girls all night long. You know the type, the type who yell out: WOOOOOO from my moving car window. And yep, she was that annoying girl.
The Brunette
She's going to cry at some point tonight because she will get into an argument with her on and off boyfriend on the phone, then she will power drink to hide her emotions, then at some point she will be sitting in my lap drunk as shit and complaining about her boyfriend. Note that this is not awesome, and no matter how good your tits look while you're sitting on my lap, watching you go in between drunk fits of wanting to fuck me and crying about your boyfriend every couple minutes is a huge turn off. I can barely handle that shit when I'm drunk myself, but not at all when I'm sober. Check, I was right about her to the tee.
The Girl With No Butt What So Ever
I had her pegged as the girl I would be sleeping with at the end of the night, but I just can't keep the comments to myself and keep making fun of her no-ass. She seriously had an upside-down triangle ass, and my big mouth successfully made it so that she hated me.
The Tall Chick
I had her pegged from the beginning as being the one that will puke in my car and end up sleeping in my bathtub. I was only 1/2 right, and as she got more and more drunk she eventually went home with a friend of mine only to puke in his car and pass out in his doorway.
Thank God
