by Felicia
9/4/2009 12:30:00 AM
Hey there!
My friends tell me I am QUITE the catch. I am super needy and will base my every happiness on you. I am unbelievably fantastic in bed... and thousands of men know it. I will be the best girlfriend ever, but that is only if you spend a LOT of money on me. BTW, any men that make less than 250K need not apply.
I have always had a problem with loyalty, but I only cheated on my last boyfriend twice. Truth is, I will cheat on you and lie to your face, but I will love you to death while I do all of it.
I expect for you to commit to me within the first five or so dates. I am not very patient and don't have time for men who won't commit quickly. Within a year, I will expect a ring but only if it's at least a ½ karat bigger than my bestest girlfriend's ring.
My match must live in Newport or some other beach community with a VERY high standard of living. My plan is to move in as soon as I trick you (or at least SOME OTHER guy) into knocking me up. Your home must be expensive enough for me to host fine parties and also for my fat ass sisters to move into. It also must be big enough so I can start furnishing your bathroom with "stuff" (but only tampons, feminine douche, and other miscellaneous items) as soon as possible.
While you are out spending the day hard at work, I will be off getting a massage, manicure, or going through the very difficult process of botox. When you get home from work, I will never leave you alone or try understand your hard day. Instead, I will nag you incessantly and then yell and criticize you for not listening to me.
And yes, you will get to have hobbies and friends, but mainly only mine. I don't think it's appropriate that you have your own life or interests, and you are definitely not allowed to go anywhere without me. But you will have a GREAT life. Your weekends will be filled with the immeasurable joy of getting to do every single thing I like to do. These things include (but are not limited too), taking me to Louis Vuitton, Tiffany's, and spending a rainy day together curled up together watching our endless Sex and the City DVD collection.
I like to look hot, maybe for you, but mostly for other dudes or any other bitches I encounter in my many many many nights out without you.
I will be a complete bitch to you. I will be hysterical, erratic, and completely irrational. I will never ever understand your position on things. I am incapable of understanding logic and don't know what independent means. However, I am very very familiar with the term codependent. I am super psycho needy, but give you nothing more that what's between my legs in return. That does remind me.....I am also a complete slut. In addition, I am jealous, controlling, and a complete drama queen.
Now you may THINK you don't want a girl like me, but you REALLY do, don'tcha???
I am here! Cum and get it!!!
