That's Phucked

Annik shops at Wal-Mart for contraceptives; lacks couth

My sister and I were coming from Los Angeles to San Diego and stopped at a San Clemente Wal-Mart one night so she could purchase a pregnancy test kit as she was 6 days late for her period -- no symptoms of pregnancy or PMS or anything -- her vagina simply refused to bleed.

So we're scanning the personal hygiene section when we finally come across the contraceptives and as my sister is scanning pregnancy test kits, I'm thinking about wire coathangers, steel-toed boots (for swift uterus kicking), concrete stairs, and other alternatives forms of free contraception until a shiny red box captures my attention. "TROJAN" was printed in big bold letters on the front of the box and right under it "VIBRATIONS" was printed in tiny form. I decided that $6 for a single condom that probably wasn't going to work (considering it was Trojan) and a tiny elastic vibrating ring that probably wasn't going to get me off was a logical purchase in my 20 year old mind. My sister picked her test of choice and off we went to the checkstands to complete our purchases.

A gorgeous, but probably young and dumb Marine stood at our checkstand of choice -- with that in mind and considering my sister's choice of purchase, she insisted that I go first. The trailer park female clerk rang up my purchase as my sister placed her test on the conveyor belt. "Well, who is THIS for?" she asked jokingly. My sister smiled awkwardly. The clerk took one good look at both of our items and said to me, "You probably should've bought that [pointing at vibrating condom box] for your friend there a week ago." My sister laughs and I smirk as I swipe my debit MasterCard between the crevice of the card machine. The clerk then proceeds to prattle on about her sex life, her numerous pregnancy scares, and probably something else utterly unimportant and uninteresting relating to trailer park STDs in Arkansas or wherever the hell she was from, with blatant disregard to the male customer behind us. She then asked my sister a question she seems to get asked quite frequently.

Clerk: Do you have any kids?
Sister: No.
Clerk [looking at me]: Do YOU have any kids?
Me [reading register total]: Not unless you want to count the one I canceled at Planned Parenthood.
*dead silence*
Clerk [handing me receipt]: ...sign here, please.

Comments (11) -


That was an evil-assed punchline...(lmao)



Mr. Phucked
United States Mr. Phucked

"her vagina simply refused to bleed"
Nice Smile

Maybe we should start a best quote section....


Best line ever.


Condoms...because crying babies suck


i cannot stop laughing
greatest line


Annik you're my kind of twisted!!!!


way too wordy, i wanted to laugh... i really did... fail


This article is very useful. I have been looking for. thank you.Very good!!


I don't have a Galaxy but I do have a Xoom which uses the same Android OS.


your blog before but after {browsing through|going through|looking


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