Moorestown policeman Robert Melia and his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis, were arrested for sexually assaulting three young girls over a five-year period.
While this is Phucked Up enough, detectives found what a true Phuck Up Melia is after they searched his home. On his computer they found a video of a girl being sexually assaulted. They also found video of Melia having sex with cows.
Since bestiality is not technically a crime in New Jersey, investigators charged Melia with animal cruelty. Under state law, a prosecutor must prove the animal was tormented. Which led to a rather unusual argument in the court room
Burlington County assistant prosecutor Kevin Morgan was left to assert that forcing a cow to give you a blowjob, especially a young, innocent calve, which is what Melia liked. Fit the definition of cruelty.
"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," he told the judge. "It's a crime against nature."
Judge James J. Morley then got a little freaky. He theorized about the mental powers of cows. Stating they couldn't actually talk and thus had no way of expressing whether they liked giving cops blowjobs or not. Given that the jury had no way of reading the five cows' minds. There's no way the prosecution could prove the cows were tormented.