That's Phucked

Fun at Famima!!

A couple of months ago, I got a job working at an upscale convenience store called Famima!! (and yes, the double exclamation points are included in the title - I don't mind publishing the name of the company, as I am more than likely going to be quitting soon anyway). I took a step down from office management and procurement into retail so I could have some flexibility with my school schedule while making some money. I make just above minimum wage, which is fine, I don't have any major expenditures anymore.

This is my first time back in the retail industry in about three years, if you want to include the one month I worked at Cardiff Seaside Market in San Diego. Before that, it had been about a year or so before I worked in an industry that required face-to-face customer service. During the interim, I've had jobs where severe customer service was required over the phone, but that was no big deal. I could easily fake a visible facetious smile and still hang up with the customer as satisfied as ever.

I've been at my current job for two months for as long as it has been open (my first day was on the grand opening of the store), but within three weeks of working, I've had to deal with quite a few characters. Some of whom have learned, the hard way, that I am not a people person and not your typical customer service girl.

In three years, I have almost forgotten how awful retail customer service can be... and I'd like to share with you my stories of horrible customers, funny days at work, and other random happenings since I don't want to talk to anyone else about it.

1) A Jewish woman (I can pick them out of a crowd - don't ask) came in one day bearing one of our promotional, grand opening coupons for a free 12 ounce iced coffee.

Woman: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Woman: I have a coupon for a free 12 ounce coffee. I was wondering if I turned in the coupon and paid the difference, could I get a salad instead?

Uh, what?

Me: Uh. No.
Woman: Really? Are you sure?
Me: I'm positive. Really.
Woman: Oh, OK. Well, what if I just got a soda or something?

Can you not fucking read that the coupon is for COFFEE ONLY? You should be grateful that we're even giving it away for free, you wench!

Me: No, sorry.
Woman: Oh, OK. Well, what are these coupons for?

The coupons state, in bold print, that they are for a free 12 ounce coffee, iced or hot, and an all-beef hot dog for the amazing price of one dollar.

Are you fucking serious?

Me: Um. It's for a free 12 ounce iced or hot coffee and a one dollar hot dog.
Woman: Well, what if I just give you the coupon for the hot dog and get a salad instead?

I about blew a gasket. What the fuck was her obsession with having a cheap salad?

Me: No, sorry.
Woman: Oh, alright. I'll take a hot dog then.

I ring her up and tell her it's a dollar and I walk over to the hot dog grill, put some gloves on, and grab a bun. Right as I clip the frank between the tongs, she stops me.

Woman: You know what? Forget it, I changed my mind, I don't want the hot dog. Thank you anyway.


2) A gorgeous blonde girl walks in with her hipster boyfriend, who is a regular customer of mine. I'm pulling expired stock off of the shelves and right down the aisle from me is the "Ramune" (Japanese lemonade soda) section. Ramune comes in a strawberry and a melon flavor, as well as regular which is just the lemon-lime flavor. About fifteen minutes after mulling over which flavor they want, the girl walks up to me with a regular flavor Ramune.

Girl: Hi!
Me: Hi.
Girl: Excuse me, I was wondering... what's the regular flavor? What is this?
Me: It's lemonade... like, lemon-lime.
Girl: Oh, is that like lychee?

Did you hear what I just said?

Me: Uh. It's lemon-lime.
Girl: Huh.
Me: Sprite.
Girl: Oh!

3) We sell Icee, subtitled as "Famima!! Freeze," at our store. We have three different flavors: Coca-Cola, Blue Raspberry, and the obligatory Cherry flavor. Our Icee machines have been kind of weird lately. Something happens to them so that it doesn't dispense properly, so we have to reboot the machine and shut it down for a few hours. When we do this, we put up a large "Out of Order" sign smack dab in the middle of the machine, which is right in front of the Blue Raspberry dispenser. It's quite clear when neither of the dispensers are working as the liquid just sits there and stops producing icy slush. Most of my customers have been good about realizing that when the product itself isn't spinning, then it isn't working.

One woman came in with her children while I was going back and forth between cleaning the backroom and ringing customers up. She came to the counter after I had finished ringing one customer up with her daughter in tow. Her daughter's clothes, face, and hands were covered in a mysterious shade of red.

Woman: Uh, hi. Are all of the Icee flavors out of order, or is it just the one in the middle?
Me: Um. All of them. When all of the dispenser displays stop spinning, it means they're not working. There's also an "Out of Order" sign on the machine.
Woman: Oh. Well, I didn't know if that was for the middle machine or for all of them.

Why didn't you just ask if you were unsure, dumbass?

Me [faking a smile]: Well, it's for all of them!
Woman [gruff attitude]: I see that now, and now my kid is filthy.

How is that my problem?

Me: There's a bathroom in the back, she can clean herself off.
Woman: Uh, you should put an "Out of Order" sign on all of them so everyone else can see it.
Me: Uh, just because you're stupid doesn't mean everyone else is.

I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet.

4) I've had five different people come in on the same day looking for soft-serve ice cream. But before asking me about it, they would actually browse each and every aisle looking for a soft-serve ice cream machine. When the fifth person, who was probably about 17 or 18, came in looking for it, he spent about a good 10 minutes in each aisle hoping a machine would magically appear. And like clockwork, he approached me at the counter.

Kid: Hey, I looked around the store and I was wondering if you guys have a soft-serve ice cream machine?
Me: Um, do you see one?

Yeah. I'm still employed.

Comments (6) -

Ha!!! I can so relate to this!! I work in retail too and unfortunately, unlike you its a family run store owned by my dad and if I ever said half the shit I wanted to I would be killed!!! Honestly though, the general public is, for the most part, a bunch of fucking idiots that clearly cant pump gas and are almost always looking for something for free!! I try my hardest to just appreciate the nice people that come in and laugh at the dumb ones. But sometimes, I really feel like I couldnt get paid enough for what I do. A co-worker of mine ( who is quite uneducated himself) feels that someday he "will rule the world and when he does he plans to shoot all the idiots) I couldnt agree more!


Customer service can be a pain. Especially if you are only getting paid min wage. Now if you were getting paid x2 more than the usual than for sure putting on that fake smile everyday will be a charm. HELL. I know where you are coming from. I loved working within the office, but since moving to another state messed that up, I picked up waitressing. Now that is some shit right there. Working for resturants is shit. Idiot customers always want something free and if you know how to pull the strings just right, you are able to get it free. Phuck. So retarted some people in this world.


United States Arikdefrasia

Big up's to you! I work for a movie rental store (the big corporate one that's been sued about 40 times) and let me tell you, retail is as close as you get to a society reality check. With questions like "Can I take this now and pay later? No I don't have a card or ID."  It really makes you want to reach out and choke a motherphucker.


Arik, all you need is a convenience store nearby and a friend who works there -- and bam, you've got yourself a real-time Clerks movie!


Suppose it's a useful post indeed! Just bookmarked it!


worked i now have data no 3g or wifi but something is better than nothing


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