Unfortunately, whatever happens in Vegas, doesn't stay in Vegas. I'm pregnant.
Wouldn't that be a fucked up email to have to send someone thousands of miles away in Europe? Good thing I don't have to... yet.
I haven't seen my period in two months; not since the Peter Hook shows.
Where could my period be? Most likely in Denmark!
Boyfriend:"That shit ain't mine."
Me: "It's not mine either. It belongs to a guy in Denmark!"
I decided that if it is true, then I would send him a singing telegram in Copenhagen.
We proceeded to come up with the many ways this message could be delivered in a poetic, "roses are red" form:
Roses are red, violets are blue, a month ago I was screwed, and so are you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've gotten bigger because I'm eating for two!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm having a baby and you are too!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Vegas sucks and so do you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm pregnant.
I guess I could also send him a huge white box with a deep red sash ribbon tied in a bow with a box of See's Candies inside of it. And when he opens the See's Candies box, it will be empty with the exception of a child support court order. That would be both mean and hilarious, in exact Annik fashion. Maybe in lieu of the box of candy, I could just send him a half-Cambodian, half-Danish baby.
I actually doubt that I'm pregnant. These last few months have been pretty irregular for me, especially with losing a good deal of weight, changing my diet, and being stressed out. In addition, I'd be lactating at this point and I'm not... and I had X-rays done recently, which cannot be done if you're pregnant (which I was tested for as well).
I had a fun time thinking about the cruelly entertaining "I'm pregnant" scenarios though. I'll save these for the next time a guy forgets to pull out in time.
Anyway, remind me to never fuck another Euro-fag in Vegas again.