That's Phucked

What To Do While Waiting For STD Test Results

The following is a guest post from our friends over at

Don't worry mom, they said I'm clean as a whistle! Holy can of relief Batman.
I dunno why, but I always get the shakes when its time for the old "check up". On the way from taking the initial test you start thinking about all of the of ass you've came across (literally), that you wish you would've passed on. When I asked the lady at the clinic just to call me with the results she said "No you have to come in, we'll only call you if we have to". So in other words, you get a call if you have an STD. Change my underpants every time the cell rang? You bet your ass I did. Now that I'm in the clear I decided to share the text document I started writing names on. First I tried to just add the girls who received 'Regretful's Rawdog' (patent pending). That was much too hard to figure out. So over the next couple of days I wrote down the name of every single piece of tail I could remember. I get teased for bagging "fatties" sometimes, so I decided to make notes. Here you will be able to see that my fat count is smaller than my buddies make it out to be. I tried to keep them in order but nothing after 15 is:

  1. Taylor - Cutie, we're still friends. I jerked off in her face and made her sleep in my sisters room.
  2. Shawna - Freshman yr in HS, climbed in her bedroom window a few times (smokin body).
  3. Brandy - Fun/loud and is now married with kids.
  4. Elisabeth - Dumb cheerleader chick from Texas. Banged her next to my buddy who pretended to be asleep. Hot but dumb.
  5. Renee - Hot red head, has a family now. Gave me my first and only set of red wings.
  6. Leslie - Took her V-card, she had a big crush on me. Super cute, I should have held on to this one.
  7. Christine - Crazy red head, nips pierced. Needed a trim downstairs though.
  8. Roberta - Fat
  9. Debbie - She was like 30 with 3 kids and I was like 20, good times.
  10. Trisha - Told me she wasn't a whore, nailed her in my truck hours later. Later found out she was into witchcraft (woops).
  11. Lost chick - Forgot her name but she wanted to watch Lost. Made her mount up reverse cowgirl while the show was on - Fat
  12. Nicole - Met on yahoo instant messenger, has a family now - she was cute.
  13. Dawna - Crazy chick who had a white power dad. Cute and dumb with a kid.
  14. Amy - Best Memorial day ever, she is now also married.
  15. Alicia - Some gamer chick I met on-line who said she could beat me at Quake. We played "strip Quake" where the loser had to take off clothing. I won, then hit it. Fat
  16. Sophie - Cute but chunky.
  17. Kelley - Crazy whore, huge jugs, has a kid.
  18. Alexis - Tall whore, kinda chunky. We're friends now.
  19. Krisha - Split up with her for going through my phone, she was cute but clingy.
  20. June - Freaky school teacher, she didn't like it when I made her call me daddy. My first and only time I've banged a girl in the ass.
  21. Kait - Fat
  22. Sara - Huge bush other than that she was cute. This was weeks after she turned 18 (met on myspace)
  23. Heather - Awesome tits, Stinky vag.
  24. Janet - Hot but talked too much.
  25. Kat - What rhymes with Kat? Fat
  26. Rachel - Needed a shave but good bod.
  27. Stef - Was engaged, called her Fiancé shortly after I was finished - I felt like a dick. Was super horny one day and told her if she didn't come give me head, I would send her man the naked pics I took of her. She came over, finished me off, and learned that I never took any pics.
  28. Sarah - Cute and good in the sack but snored louder than a Mack truck. Side note: While I was typing this up my neighbor came and and asked if I had ever done any "Youth Leadership". I said no, and asked what it was. He told me its where you talk, and teach teenagers about stuff. He then explained that they would look up to me since I'm still young and in shape and not old and fat like him. So then I ask what I would need to teach these teenagers. He replied "Oh well you would talk to them about honesty and relationships and stuff".
    Can I give Relationship Advice?
    Thats like asking "Is the Pope German"? Or "Does a Bear shit in the woods"?
    Sign me up!

Comments (1) -

i have to say this is one off the most imporant articles i have read on this subject


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